Morrissey breaks The One Show

Oh no.  "The One Show" is on again.  I hate the bloody "One Show".  Whenever it comes on it feels like I'm being slowly covered with a layer of tepid custard, which then hardens, leaving me unable to move or change channel.  I am then forced to watch boring reports about Prince William, gas bills and the latest release from David Dimbleby. I want to watch programmes about lions riding motorbikes when I come in from work, not this bilge.

Honestly.  This country needs sorting out.  What an awful business